Two Years Later - God's Plan...

After two years you may be wondering "What happened?!". Did God really have a plan?

Well, yes, He did, of course. God's hand in things are often much easier to see with hindsight.

After returning from Ukraine, we were offered the opportunity to provide foster care by the agency who did our home study. We did some respite (weekend) care and eventually took on a couple of foster kids.

To make a long story short, we ended up with a little girl, 18 months old at the time, whom we eventually adopted. She is with us today.

Whenever we wonder if we are really doing God's Will, we can look at her for confirmation.

I'd defy anyone to see how things would turn out ahead of time, but we can look back and see the fine thread God wove in our lives to bring us to where we are today.

This child was not yet born when we first went to Ukraine. She was 9 months old during our second trip and in less than a year after that she would start to become part of our family.

This last wasn't clear to see either at the time. Two years ago almost to the day of this writing, she was about to leave our home for good. And yet the "impossible" happened. She stayed and stayed and, well, she's not going anywhere.

Please keep this in mind if your heart seeks God's Will and yet you seem to be far from it. Keep Hebrews 11:6 in mind...

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

If you are diligently seeking Him, He WILL reward you!

God bless,

Andy

Finally able to log on again!

I know it's been a while :-) Lost the password and somehow the blogger recovery routine didn't work.

I'll update more later, but for now, we've given up trying to adopt. We've been doing foster care and are about ready to stop this also.

God bless,

Andy

Addendem by Andy

Colleen has very ably expressed most of my own feelings.

I think she'll agree even the trip itself was God's will. I'm not sure what purpose we accomplished but we need to trust God is in control even if things didn't work out at all how we expected.

Right now I need time to relax and reflect.

I'd like to post a couple of general observations while they're still fresh.

The NAC Director was very helpful and concerned. I appreciate their efforts. Please note that, as far as I can see, our Ukrainian adoption options are exhausted and I've got nothing to gain from saying this. While they may seem to be somewhat disconnected from the world and I don't understand why certain procedures are as they are, they're faced with an incredible task of trying to find families for so many children. They have a tremendous heart for these children, something which we should appreciate.

The same can be said for the rest, especially Svetta's caregiver. While I agree she did not act in Svetta's best interest, I think SHE believed she was.

I think the one single change I'd recommend from my own experiences is if the "no pre-selection" rule was dispensed with. By this I mean, it would be much easier if we were able to select an orphanage and obtain a referral to visit the orphanage, then inquire about the children who we bond with.

Colleen says this would be a disaster and would be certain to cause feelings of rejection among the children. I agree it would not be perfect, but the current system also causes feelings of rejection (I could cite a number of cases including Svetta's). If possible it might be better if hopeful parents could observe the children without their knowledge, but this would require a degree of sophistication beyond what these orphanages can do. The money would be better spent on food and clothing.

Other notes:

Internet access at the train station in Kiev is super cheap. I'm talking about 1.5 hrievna (spelling?) for an hour. Thats about 30 cents an hour. In Odessa one cafe charged 2 an hour or about 40 cents. Don't know what other places charge but you shouldn't have to pay a lot anywhere in Ukraine.

Prices follow prosperity. Sure this may be obvious to you but I'm just catching on. Kiev is an impressive combination of old and new. It's the most prosperous city in Ukraine I saw. It's also the most expensive. Still cheap by our standards in most cases.

Travel light...very light. We learned this the hard way. By light I'd say take ONLY what you REALLY need. Once you decided on what you need. Take another look and see if you can't cut that in half. If I was to go again, I'd pack one bag for the two of us and one for the boys. Colleen and I would take just one light carry-on each. (I'd also bring one bag each stuffed with clothes for the Ukrainian kids - the bag would be something I'd leave behind also. No news for the well-traveled but I wish I'd taken this to heart.

Expect to be inconvenienced in smaller regions. The last town we were in was somewhat remote...and lacking in what we were used to in the cities. We had to stay in a hotel as there simply were no apartments. There was only one taxi company in town and the line was always busy. Stuff like that.

Buy a used cell phone there that takes prepaid sim cards. Don't mess around with anything else. You should be able to pick up a used phone for under $50. Sim cards are pretty cheap (you put the card in the phone and you have so many minutes of call time.) Incoming calls are free. Service is good. You can call the states by dialing the number you want to reach (ok you may have change a thing or two but it's much easier than trying to access a calling card.)

If you're alone and unsure whether you've paid to much for something, don't try to negotiate. Simply stand there and look at your change. Most will think you're on to them and will cough up the rest directly. By the way, you DO need to count your change I given too much change at least once.

That's all for now.

God bless,

Andy

We Are Home Without a Child

After two days of travel we are finally home. We did not get a child. We are dealing with this loss the best we can. As God does not make mistakes we must have been the ones that were wrong.

The last post had us trying to get an appointment in Kiev. By the grace of God we did get to talk to the Director that day and did chose another child that same day. The workers even fed the boys cake and fruit, which Ira had never seen done before. It was so difficult going through the books to select a child. There were so many. Our goal was to find a child in the Doneske region. This was were Kostya and Ira are from and they new that the expediting fees were not as high as in Odessa. They also knew that the region was easy to work with.

The Social Worker gave us a picture of a little girl of 6. She had tested positive of TB but did not have TB. I knew that this was treatable with antibiotics for about 30 days. I was leaning towards her, because she was ill we could get away with a younger child. The Social Worker also gave us a child that had a minor heart condition she was 10. We were torn between the two girls. We decided on the 10-year-old. The 6-year-old was being housed in a sanatorium for those with TB. Ira was also leery about visiting the child there. The Social Worker called about the 10-year-old and she was about to be adopted by someone else. Back to square one!

The Social Worker had told us about an 11-year-old that was very bright and a good art student. She was unable to find the child’s file. A Spanish couple had recently adopted the child’s younger brother. It is odd that the two were split. With the help of another facilitator they found the child and we decided to give it a try. It was in an area that Ira was unfamiliar with. The other facilitator said that it was an easy region. The Social Worker called the orphanage to verify availability. Ira talked to the Director and she wanted to put off our coming for a week. We certainly did not have time for that!

We were off to the orphanage two hours southeast of Kiev. I do not even know the name of the town we were in. We got a hotel for two nights and had an appointment for 8:30 the next morning. Upon meeting with the Social Worker we found out that the child had been through the process of adoption already and it had been aborted. We later found out that the people put this poor child in a cab in Kiev and sent her back alone! I don't know what happened but I can not believe that they sent her back alone.

The Social Worker took us to the orphanage to meet with the Director. She was not a happy person and did not want us to meet with the child. She was very protective of Svetta and did not want us to adopt this child. She was their best child at the orphanage. Svetta's caregiver was called in and there was a whole lot more Ukrainian talk going on between the Social Worker, Director and caregiver. I have no idea what was said but I just sat there praying for God's will to be done.

We found out that Svetta was to leave for a trip to Italy on the 12th. (Had we waited like the Director had wanted Svetta would have already been gone.) The Director was concerned about how Svetta would be cared for if she did not go on the trip. No one would be at the orphanage and the other children had already gone to camp. We offered to keep Svetta with us and told them the only way we would not be adopting Svetta was if she did not wish to be adopted. That went over like a lead balloon. The other couple had keep Svetta with them while the paper work was being done and look what happened.

Svetta was finally brought in. She was beautiful and tiny. She was smaller than Ethan was. Svetta said that she did not want to be adopted. The Social Worker arranged for all of us to spend sometime with Svetta without the Director and caregiver. The Social Worker was trying to pressure Svetta into agreeing to be adopted by us. Svetta started crying and Ethan gave her a stuffed animal that was on the couch. I hated what pressure was being put on the child and wanted it to stop.

It was decided that we would go to lunch together at a pizza place. Ethan and I held Svetta's hand all the time we walked. I did not want to pressure the child nor over whelm her with unwanted affection, but I just wanted to scoop her up and never let her go. The child was very rigid and scared the whole time. Occasionally we would get a smile out of her. Ethan kept saying that we had to get her to trust us and asked how to do that. I was at a loss as to what to tell him, only time would bring about trust and we did not have that.

The Social Worker kept pressuring Svetta and she was crying again and refusing to eat. We had had enough of watching this poor child be pressured and told them to stop that we would not adopt Svetta if she were so opposed to being adopted. This was very hard and Ethan's reaction is really what broke me up so badly. He just started sobbing. He wanted so much to touch this child and make her feel loved. Even after Svetta was told we would not adopt her she was still very stiff and scared.

The Social Worker took Svetta to the Director's office; I don't know what happened but quit sometime later Svetta came out alone and crying. Then the Social Worker came out and said that the child would not change her mind. She thought that we were nice but she did not want to be adopted nor did she want to go to Italy. The Social Worker had given the caregiver Ira's cell phone number but she did not think that Svetta would change her mind.

We went back to the hotel and made arrangements for the two-hour trip back to Kiev. We were able to get plane tickets for the next day, but we had an overnight lay over in Amsterdam. (If you are ever stuck in Amsterdam there is a quiet comfort area just behind the Meditation Center on the second floor!)

We stopped at the orphanage to drop off the clothing that we had brought with us. They would be too large for Svetta but someone could put them to use. Ira took them into the Director. The Director told Ira that the caregiver had told Svetta that no one that adopted her would take good care of her, that they would not love her. That she would be better taken care of and get her schooling and art classes at the orphanage. This is untrue.

A classmate had been adopted to an Italian couple and they tried to visit her last year. The couple had moved but the caregiver told them that something bad had happened to the child. So now not only does the child not want to be adopted but she is also afraid to go to Italy, this will be her 8th trip.

So two days of traveling and two weeks of emotional roller coasters and here we are feeling like we have lost two children. I do not regret continuing with Larisa at all. I think that she needed to see that there are people in this world that are faithful and will do what they say. I also think that those involved also needed to see this. Had I known about the Director's circumstances (She lost her job because she backed an adoptive family over a natural mother, and had to go to court to get her job back), ahead of time I probably would have just tried for another child. I still think that we did the right thing.

I do not regret going for Svetta. I think it is criminal what the caregiver/Director have done to this child. (I do not think the Director is as innocent as she makes herself out to be.) I only pray that this was not this child’s last chance. I wish we could have reached her. I wish that we had another week to be able to stay in the Ukraine and try for another child. Two tries and our limits were reached.

Again I say that God does not make mistakes, we prayed for His will to be done in all of this. We must not have been listening or only heard what we wanted to hear. This hurt will too pass and we will continue to turn to God for our strength to get through this. Our focus has been the adoption for 11 months now. It was so horrible coming home without a child. I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I feel as though I have lost two children. How much greater that feeling of loss must be when it is your own natural child. We can use all of your prayers right now.

God Bless,

Colleen

Mr

We go to the NAC at 2PM today to ask for another appointment. While it's possible we could get one today, we may not get one until tomorrow or even a couple of days from now. It all depends on how busy they are. And they are busy.

We can stay in our apartment for anohter day. It's a great apartment in downtown Keiv. It's quite roomy and modern. We did loose hot water today. The city of Kiev stopped supplying it. Same thing happened in Odessa when we arrived there. We were so happy to get hot showers last night. Great water pressure by the way. Our landlady has promised to install a boiler today at 3PM so we'll have hot water again.

In Odessa, they also had a water heater installed but had never used it as Odessa had supplied hot water until our arrival (are they trying to tell us something? :-). Unfortunatly something wasn't working right so we never had hot water. Larisa, our former interpreter and dear friend who rented the apartment to us was very sad that we didn't have hot water. We were grateful for a place to sleep.

Can't remember if I mentioned this before but when we found out we had to return to Kiev, the lady who rented our apartment insisted we pay for a weeks rent whether we stayed there or not. If we didn't say there, she decided she would keep the $50 deposit and refuse to let us stay there even one night. We were stuck without a place to say. The best we could do was two rooms in a not-very-nice-hotel for $100 (US).

Ira, our translater, was kind enough to offer to let us stay with her in Larisa's apartment. MOST of the people we've come to know here are as kind and generous as Ira and Larisa.

Today we are resting and preparing to go to the NAC at 2. It's raining today and we expect rain for the next few days. I don't mind it so much. Like I tell Ira, I simply walk between the raindrops.

God bless,

Andy

Sunday Kiev

Finally got to a computer AND remembered how to access the blog. Everything is automated on my computer at home so I never need to think about what username or password I'm using. Deprive me of my paradigms and sleep...add a few pounds of frustration and...well, you know.

Ok, here's where we stand. Been in Ukraine a week tomorrow.. Went to NAC Tuesday, Odessa Thursday and found out Larisa is not available. Her mother is actively working to regain her parental rights and there is no way we would get preference.

The hardest thing I've had to do is look at that beautiful face and tell Larisa we cannot bring her home.

We considered adopting another child from Orphanage #4 but our interpreter, Ira, points out it may extend our stay to the point where the new bedroom would remain empty. The judge and social worker in this district are going on vacation soon. Word has it we could have the paperwork expidited - for $1000 for the judge and another $250 (I think...maybe it's more) for the lawyer. What lawyer I don't know. All I know is we can't afford those kind of fees. Apparently the judge needs some "pocket money" for vacation. I won't go into my opinion of it. I will say things seem to be in the works to change stuff like this.

So far it's been an emotional roller coaster. At one point I really felt like packing it all up and just going home. When I remember we can make a difference in a child's life...a big difference...it gives me the strength to move forward.

Right now we're at the train station, waiting for an apartment. Nothing seems to be available. It looks like we've got one for tonight. Tomorrow? Who knows.

Signing off...

God bless,

Andy

P.S. Ira, our interpreter is a Godsend and a lifesaver. We'd be lost without her.

Leaving Today

We decided to go. Don't know what will happen from here, but we'd like to come home with a new addition to our family.

Whatever God has planned for us, we're willing to accept it.

We'll keep you "posted".

God bless,

Andy

Larisa's not available

Just found out in an email from Kostya. It looks like Larisa's mother is going forward in her plans to win back rights to her daughter. Larisa wants this to happen. The courts are certain to pave the way.

Right now all I'm feeling is shock. We knew this was a possiblity. I still never really believed this would happen. I always felt it would work out...and it will. Just not the way I expected it to.

I just pray things work out for Larisa. Maybe our efforts spurred her mother into action. Nothing makes us want something (or someone) more than the possibility of losing it. If that was God's purpose here than so be it. I may wonder but I may never know in this lifetime.

So where do we go from here? I don't know. Colleen and I are going to think about for 24 hours. And pray. Right now I simply feel like I've lost a daughter.

Part of me wants to shut down, crawl in a hole and forget the whole thing.

On the other hand I know there are so many children there deserving a chance.

To be continued...