We Are Home Without a Child

After two days of travel we are finally home. We did not get a child. We are dealing with this loss the best we can. As God does not make mistakes we must have been the ones that were wrong.

The last post had us trying to get an appointment in Kiev. By the grace of God we did get to talk to the Director that day and did chose another child that same day. The workers even fed the boys cake and fruit, which Ira had never seen done before. It was so difficult going through the books to select a child. There were so many. Our goal was to find a child in the Doneske region. This was were Kostya and Ira are from and they new that the expediting fees were not as high as in Odessa. They also knew that the region was easy to work with.

The Social Worker gave us a picture of a little girl of 6. She had tested positive of TB but did not have TB. I knew that this was treatable with antibiotics for about 30 days. I was leaning towards her, because she was ill we could get away with a younger child. The Social Worker also gave us a child that had a minor heart condition she was 10. We were torn between the two girls. We decided on the 10-year-old. The 6-year-old was being housed in a sanatorium for those with TB. Ira was also leery about visiting the child there. The Social Worker called about the 10-year-old and she was about to be adopted by someone else. Back to square one!

The Social Worker had told us about an 11-year-old that was very bright and a good art student. She was unable to find the child’s file. A Spanish couple had recently adopted the child’s younger brother. It is odd that the two were split. With the help of another facilitator they found the child and we decided to give it a try. It was in an area that Ira was unfamiliar with. The other facilitator said that it was an easy region. The Social Worker called the orphanage to verify availability. Ira talked to the Director and she wanted to put off our coming for a week. We certainly did not have time for that!

We were off to the orphanage two hours southeast of Kiev. I do not even know the name of the town we were in. We got a hotel for two nights and had an appointment for 8:30 the next morning. Upon meeting with the Social Worker we found out that the child had been through the process of adoption already and it had been aborted. We later found out that the people put this poor child in a cab in Kiev and sent her back alone! I don't know what happened but I can not believe that they sent her back alone.

The Social Worker took us to the orphanage to meet with the Director. She was not a happy person and did not want us to meet with the child. She was very protective of Svetta and did not want us to adopt this child. She was their best child at the orphanage. Svetta's caregiver was called in and there was a whole lot more Ukrainian talk going on between the Social Worker, Director and caregiver. I have no idea what was said but I just sat there praying for God's will to be done.

We found out that Svetta was to leave for a trip to Italy on the 12th. (Had we waited like the Director had wanted Svetta would have already been gone.) The Director was concerned about how Svetta would be cared for if she did not go on the trip. No one would be at the orphanage and the other children had already gone to camp. We offered to keep Svetta with us and told them the only way we would not be adopting Svetta was if she did not wish to be adopted. That went over like a lead balloon. The other couple had keep Svetta with them while the paper work was being done and look what happened.

Svetta was finally brought in. She was beautiful and tiny. She was smaller than Ethan was. Svetta said that she did not want to be adopted. The Social Worker arranged for all of us to spend sometime with Svetta without the Director and caregiver. The Social Worker was trying to pressure Svetta into agreeing to be adopted by us. Svetta started crying and Ethan gave her a stuffed animal that was on the couch. I hated what pressure was being put on the child and wanted it to stop.

It was decided that we would go to lunch together at a pizza place. Ethan and I held Svetta's hand all the time we walked. I did not want to pressure the child nor over whelm her with unwanted affection, but I just wanted to scoop her up and never let her go. The child was very rigid and scared the whole time. Occasionally we would get a smile out of her. Ethan kept saying that we had to get her to trust us and asked how to do that. I was at a loss as to what to tell him, only time would bring about trust and we did not have that.

The Social Worker kept pressuring Svetta and she was crying again and refusing to eat. We had had enough of watching this poor child be pressured and told them to stop that we would not adopt Svetta if she were so opposed to being adopted. This was very hard and Ethan's reaction is really what broke me up so badly. He just started sobbing. He wanted so much to touch this child and make her feel loved. Even after Svetta was told we would not adopt her she was still very stiff and scared.

The Social Worker took Svetta to the Director's office; I don't know what happened but quit sometime later Svetta came out alone and crying. Then the Social Worker came out and said that the child would not change her mind. She thought that we were nice but she did not want to be adopted nor did she want to go to Italy. The Social Worker had given the caregiver Ira's cell phone number but she did not think that Svetta would change her mind.

We went back to the hotel and made arrangements for the two-hour trip back to Kiev. We were able to get plane tickets for the next day, but we had an overnight lay over in Amsterdam. (If you are ever stuck in Amsterdam there is a quiet comfort area just behind the Meditation Center on the second floor!)

We stopped at the orphanage to drop off the clothing that we had brought with us. They would be too large for Svetta but someone could put them to use. Ira took them into the Director. The Director told Ira that the caregiver had told Svetta that no one that adopted her would take good care of her, that they would not love her. That she would be better taken care of and get her schooling and art classes at the orphanage. This is untrue.

A classmate had been adopted to an Italian couple and they tried to visit her last year. The couple had moved but the caregiver told them that something bad had happened to the child. So now not only does the child not want to be adopted but she is also afraid to go to Italy, this will be her 8th trip.

So two days of traveling and two weeks of emotional roller coasters and here we are feeling like we have lost two children. I do not regret continuing with Larisa at all. I think that she needed to see that there are people in this world that are faithful and will do what they say. I also think that those involved also needed to see this. Had I known about the Director's circumstances (She lost her job because she backed an adoptive family over a natural mother, and had to go to court to get her job back), ahead of time I probably would have just tried for another child. I still think that we did the right thing.

I do not regret going for Svetta. I think it is criminal what the caregiver/Director have done to this child. (I do not think the Director is as innocent as she makes herself out to be.) I only pray that this was not this child’s last chance. I wish we could have reached her. I wish that we had another week to be able to stay in the Ukraine and try for another child. Two tries and our limits were reached.

Again I say that God does not make mistakes, we prayed for His will to be done in all of this. We must not have been listening or only heard what we wanted to hear. This hurt will too pass and we will continue to turn to God for our strength to get through this. Our focus has been the adoption for 11 months now. It was so horrible coming home without a child. I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I feel as though I have lost two children. How much greater that feeling of loss must be when it is your own natural child. We can use all of your prayers right now.

God Bless,

Colleen